I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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