So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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