Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
