and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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