just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
