I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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