If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
