i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
