I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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