stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
