I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
