There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
