Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
