u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
