i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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