Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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