We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
