I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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