Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
