Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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