I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
