just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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