I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
