If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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