I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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