Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
