dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
