On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
