I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
