it wasn't lemon gatorade
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
