Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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