took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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