we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Randomize
