i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
