Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
literally had 100 drinks last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
