Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
