I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
