Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
