you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
