I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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