we have officially mastered the walk of shame
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
