your parents love me but you hate me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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