Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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