note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
