i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
