new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
