Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
