I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
