Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
