In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
