never play flip cup with pint glasses
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
