My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What a dumb baby whore.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
