i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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