i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
